names.

I have recently discovered the depth and meaning to our names..

It is amazing how the nature of our world works.. how things we seemingly have no choice about, as in what we are named, are a part of us.  Become a part of us.  Unconsciously nonetheless.

Caroline - joy, song of happiness

Marie - rebellion; wished for child; bitter

Love - an intense feeling of deep affection; a person or thing that one loves.

I feel as though my name, in many ways, is extremely fitting.  Constantly striving or wanting to be a type of "song of happiness" foremost.. then rebellion, has always been a part of my spirit.. and love, to encompass every aspect of my being.

It's hard to explain but am literally in utter shock of how this awakens such awareness to my existential mind.  I have always loved people and loved people through being silly and having fun with one another.  Living joyfully and freely.. there meaning, the fact that I am named joy or song of happiness.. makes so much sense.

But the name that rings deeply in my soul is Marie.. rebellion..

I'm assuming that anyone who reads this knows me and most likely knows the nature of who I used to be, who I have become, and who I am becoming.  But I clearly have always had an extremely rebellious nature.  Desiring, somehow, to be different.  Clawing at life to pull myself out of the lifestyle I was raised in.  I mean, who runs to drugs and alcohol as a thirteen year old?  All through my adolescence this rebellion consumed me.  And while it may seem like a negative name to stamp a child with..  It is intrinsically beautiful to me.  Jesus named me this.  And all with the knowing of my capability to love him outrageously and radically.  To have my rebellious nature take on loving him and living life with him for the purpose of showing others that life with him isn't one within four walls of fear.  But one bursting forth with freedom.  Every day I notice how even some of the most deeply loving believers are afraid of living this life of freedom with him.. And it's funny because I think alot of this hesitation is due to fear.  And the safest place we can be is under his wings, his pinions.. running in freedom.  It's almost an oxymoron.. when we finally choose to let ourselves live freely.. to be outrageous, radical.. 

that is when we are safest.

I feel as if he wants me to rebel against everything that our world has culturized him to be.  What the church has done to show his supposed love.. and be this radical example of love.  To give of oneself for others.  To rebel against the lies we tell ourselves about him.. against the lies that our world tells us about him.

I once had a friend say to me to pray for release from this name since it held such a "negative nature".  Immediately my soul did not sit right with this.  What others may see as some type of "curse" or unlikable name.. he continues to affirm as almost a calling upon my life.  To take what might have been meant for negative or unruly purposes.. and use as this incredible force of strength to push past all the stereotypes of what a life for him looks like.  Afterall, one of my favorite quotes is.. "if james dean was a rebel without a cause.. then jesus was a rebel with one."  :)

And to wrap it all up.. 

Love.  

The greatest among these is love.  

All you need is love.  

Love is all you need.  

God is love.  

To be reminded of why I was created.. what I was created in.. every day.  

What our purpose is.. to receive & give love.. 

simply. 

love.