breathe.

I look around at society sometimes.. and am filled with this deep sorrow. It seems as though the busyness of our every day lives infiltrates into our very being.. and it consumes us so much so even when there is nothing to do but to just simply.. be. We can't stand it. We quickly look for another obligation.. another task.. something else to accomplish. Maybe it's to somehow make us feel as though we have worth. Without another accompishment.. this title.. this amount of money, etc.. etc.. the list goes on.

Do we really not see the beauty of this life? Of who we are as people. That the person you just blared your horn at in front of you is a human being. You don't have anywhere to go. Not really. You just feel like time spent in a car with your radio going is time wasted. But is it really wasted?

What if we looked at each moment with value? Not as if they are wasted moments if, in a worldly view, nothing is "accomplished." What if those are the moments we lived for? And we simply miss it because our society tells us that we must go and do and never stop or somehow we are then left worthless. Are we never fully satisfied with where we are in a present moment?

I'm sick of obligations. I'm sick of simply getting a piece of paper that somehow indicates that I'm more capable of a job. I pray that these moments I live in this structured culture don't warp my mind to believe that they are right. That I am nothing without a man that makes X amount of dollars, three kids and a dog in the suburbs. What's next? What then? Is that where true happiness is found?

I have seen too many times with friends and family being completely consumed by these ideas. Forgetting their dreams. Forgetting reality. Forgetting beauty. So what's the point of it all if we lose sight of what is true?

I had a close older friend of mine say to me that the reason I am so free is because I don't have the full responsibility of paying rent, taxes, etc. But if graduating from college and moving onto a job with water and utility responsibilities takes my freedom then I want no part in it. I don't want to get caught up in the legalities of this life. I simply want to be free. Be free to breathe. Be free to walk outside and continue to see the beauty that I see now. And maybe i'm being unreasonable. But why is it unreasonable to want freedom? To want beauty?

Everyone seems to just be in their own world. As I'm observing I look up and see people staring at their cell phones. Or plugging in their ipods.. as if silence is some horrifically displeasing sound. And one thing that kills me is when friendships are literally threatened if you don't pick up your phone everytime someone calls you. Sometimes I just want to chuck that thing out the window. If I look at my phone with no missed calls or text messages I am honestly.. happy. No one to call back. I can continue living without someone later guilting me for "ignoring" them. If only we understood that sometimes people just want to live. I want to live in this present moment. And breathe. Breathe in the air around me.. not the exhaust from cars or the radiation given from cell phone usage. I want to live a life freely. A life without apologizing for really living.. Its ridiculous that we have to apologize for that.

In due time.

We'll finally see.

There's barely time.

For us to breathe.

currently listening: "breathe in" by frou frou